Confessions of a love deprived girl
by BellatrixPotterCullen
Summary: Bella has never had a BF before. All she wants is love. When the new boy Edward comes to Forks. She finds that she just might have a new crush, and hopefully a BF. Lemons :  please Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

Day dreaming filled my day… I dream mostly about love…

Love is my favorite subject… and the ironic thing is that I have never been in love with someone who loved me back

I am 19 years old and I have still never had a boyfriend nor ever been kissed. I've only been on one date in my entire life and it was horrible. All I want is a Boyfriend. I don't think that's much to ask for. But every guy here in my town is a horrid guy.

Ugh my town… Forks, WA is so small. On my first date, which was with a guy named Mike Newton, he took me to the local super mart. It had some cute moments. At one point we were bouncing on those big round bouncy balls, which was really fun. Until he totally insulted me by saying my tits looked freaking amazing and he wanted to titty fuck them. I got up and slapped him in the face and walked away. Unfortunately he is in my group of friends, so I have to see him every day, but oh well, just another perk of being me.

*Ring* whoops. Another class gone by with me just thinking and remembering and dreaming. Luckily is was only English which I had an A in so it didn't matter if I dosed off or heck even if I walked out of class id still pass. Mr. Carreon my English teacher was a hottie and he loved me. He told me I was his favorite student, which I don't mind being. If only I could be his age I would so let him take my virginity in a heartbeat.

Next was lunch, and as I walked over to my usual table I noticed a set of new students sitting at a table together. My high school is very small, one that everybody knows everybody schools. I rushed over to my table to see if anybody had any new details about these new students.

As I sat down I could hear Jessica my "friend" talking about the new students. "They transferred from Alaska; their dad is the new doctor in town." She said.

"What are their names?" I asked.

Angela spoke answered before Jess could, "Emmitt is apparently the oldest brother, he is the tall dark haired guy, and Rosalie is the pretty blonde one. Edward is the guy with the bronze hair. Alice has spiky hair and Jasper is the blond male."

"But, wait it gets better! Their all adopted and their dating each other!" Jessica said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, Alice and Jasper are together, and Rosalie and Emmitt are together. I wonder if that's even legal?" said Jess.

Angela Replied "Of course it's legal. There not actually related. The weird thing is that they live together, but I'm sure Dr. Cullen has rules for them to follow."

I tried to ignore the rest of their conversation. They were good friends, but sometimes I didn't want to hear the latest gossip of who was doing who or who was dating who. It just made me sadder because I wasn't one of them.

"Bella, are you listening to me!" Jessica asked.

"Oh Yeah, I am." I said.

"So I want to tell ya'll something before the boys get here, me and Mike have been hanging out a lot lately like you know. But last night he went over to my house! And guess what! We almost had sex!" Jess said excitedly.

"What?" Angela and I said together.

"Well, I kind of chickened out last minute, but I think I want him to go all the way this weekend at Eric's party!" Jess said.

"Well I think you should use protection!" I exclaimed.

"Uh no duh! I don't want to be a teen mom" jess said.

"Good" I exclaimed. I started to ignore them again. I'd prefer not to hear what Jessica wanted Mike to do to her over the weekend. I was kind of happy for her though… at least I didn't have to worry about mike's suggestiveness towards me anymore.

The boys arrived to our table as loud as ever. I guess you can say we where the popular table. I don't really know why I was there, but I liked it, they were actually a lot of fun. But annoying at times when I wanted to be quiet, like at the moment.

"Hey bells, the new boy is eye raping you!" Eric said.

"Huh?" I said as I looked up and locked eyes with Edward, the new guy. I hadn't noticed how gorgeous he was before. He was totally hot. I quickly looked down, before I started to blush. Everyone at the table started laughing at our weird exchange.

"Hah! Hey bells maybe you'll finally get a fuck buddy!" Eric laughed

"omg! Shut up! Don't be mean! Ya'll suck!" I exclaimed. We all laughed but then where interrupted by the bell. Lunch was over.

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><p>Biology was a fun class for me. I don't know if that was because I liked it or if it was because I got to leave home after this class. Me and my friends all got to leave along with some other lucky seniors. Since we had enough credit hours we all left early. As I sat at my desk, I noticed Mrs. Barry coming out of the lab supply room with none other than Edward Cullen. He sat next to me because my table had the only empty seat.<p>

"Hi, I'm Bella" I said as he sat down.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen"

"Hope you like it here, it's not much but it has its fun-ness" I said.

"It's been fine so far."

He looked up from his back pack and we locked eyes. Man, was he gorgeous and Sexy.

I spent the rest of that class period day dreaming about me and Edward.

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><p>After Class, My friends and I all met at the parking lot and usually decided where we were going to go hang out. Since it was Friday we all were excited about the party the following night at Eric's house. His parents were going out of town for the weekend. He decided to throw a huge house party in their absence. I was excited for it, but sad that I'd be the single girl again. I decided that I would just stay home for the day to I said good bye to my friends. As I turned around I saw the Cullens leaving school. I guess they had the same luxury of leaving early.<p>

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><p>Once I got home I went upstairs to my room. My dad got home at around ten every night. He was the local Police Chief. He wasn't strict with me at all. He even let me have party's at my house every once in a while. And he would buy us the beer and liquor. He was a cool dad<p>

Once I finished my homework and house work is was around nine o clock. I had an hour until my dad got home so I decided that I'd have a little fun.

Since I never had a boyfriend, or never had sex for that matter. I had to find other ways to relieve my sexual frustrations. I had a locked box in my closet with a bunch of cool things. I loved to feel sexy so I pulled out a sexy outfit and my favorite vibrator and started to have fun.

I loved this outfit. It was a black lace see through bra and panties set and it had a black lace garter belt attached to black thigh high tights. I knew this outfits accentuated my best assets. I had a smoking body. I was about average height and I was skinny I usually used a size 3. My breasts were a size 34D and I had an ass. I never understood why I never got a boyfriend. I had a beautiful face too. I guess the boyfriend thing was my fault. All the boys who asked me out, I would always refuse them. The only guy I agreed to was Mike because he was a friend. But that went wrong, and I just stopped getting asked after awhile.

Tonight my boyfriend was Mr. Rabbit. He was my favorite Vibrator. He would always give me an orgasm. As I lay on my bed and inserted the vibrator I started to get really turned on. I started to think of Edward and his face, his body over mine, his hands touching me all over, his huge dick ramming into me, his mouth sucking my nipples.

I had never had such a huge orgasm as I did today. The closest I had ever gotten to one this intense was with Mr. Carreon my gorgeous English teacher. As I walked to the shower I slid my fingers inside myself, I had never been so wet before either. Edward was to be my go to guy from now on.

Once I finished showing I went downstairs. My dad was already there with a pizza in front of him. I grabbed a piece and sat down with him in the living room. He asked me about my day and I said it had been great. Then I went up stairs and went to bed. That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.


	2. Chapter 2

Twilight Character belong to Stephanie Meyer. Made up ones belong to me.

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><p><em>Once I finished showing I went downstairs. My dad was already there with a pizza in front of him. I grabbed a piece and sat down with him in the living room. He asked me about my day and I said it had been great. Then I went up stairs and went to bed. That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.<em>

My dream last night was intense. I dreamt that Edward asked me out. He took me to First Beach and he asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me forever. My dreams always consisted of my favorite guys telling me they loved me. Since I had never had a BF before, I always dreamt that they would ask me to be theirs and only theirs. I didn't mind this. My BF dreams made me happy and hopeful that one day I'd finally fall in love with someone who loved me back.

I finally got the energy to actually get up from my bed and get ready for class. I decided that I'd nice today. I put on my black skinny jeans with my black leather jacket and my cute pink floral top. I put on some black heels and straightened my hair. Once I was ready I ran downstairs and grabbed an apple. My dad was making pancakes for breakfast.

"Wow. You look nice. To nice for schools don't you think?" said Charlie, my dad.

"Yeah it is nice. But I felt like dressing up." I replied.

"Well I'm sure you'll get a boys attention in that. Just remind them that your dads the chief of police and can make their death look like an accident, I'm sure that'll scare them away." He said.

" Omg. And that is probably one of the reasons why I won't get a BF ever!" I exclaimed.

"Here's hoping" he laughed.

"Whatever, Bye dad."

"Bye Bells have a great day in school"

It was hard to get and stay mad at my dad. Even though he said things I didn't want to hear, I know he loves me and wants me to be happy.

I got into my red Chevy truck. I used to have an older model but it died and went to old vintage truck heaven. My dad had recently bought this one to replace my old one once it died. I loved me truck, but this new one totally beat the old one's ass. It was super shiny cherry red and was lifted a couple of inches. My dad even splurged and but on the metal defense. It made it look so intimidating, yet it made me love it even more.

Once I got to school I parked next to Jess's black Ford Mustang. She was barely getting out so she waited for me to get my stuff.

"Morning B"

"Morning Jess"

"So, how your day yesterday after you decided to ditch us" jess asked.

"It was okay, and sorry about that. I didn't mean to ditch ya'll, I just had a bunch of home work"

"It's cool, Mike and I left to. By the way you look gorgeous."

"Thanks jess." I smiled. I knew that getting an actual compliment from Jess was a good thing. We walked into the courtyard of the school and met up with everybody else. We all laughed and joked around, until mike made it awkward.

"Hey Bella, you look freaking hot" mike said. Jessica gave him an ugly look and he bit his lip.

"Thanks but you know who is looking even more sexy?" I said.

"Who" he asked

"Jess" I said.

"Yeah well, Jess looks sexy every day, not just when she feels like it." Mike exclaimed.

I was happy that he rescued himself yet kind of ticked off that he said that to me. It was pretty insulting but I decided to ignore it. I let out a small laugh then grabbed my books and started walking to class.

My first period class was Art History. It was an okay class. Not my favorite though. When I got to the door I noticed that there was Alice Cullen sitting in the seat next to mine. Since I was early it was only her and I in the room. I went and sat down and smiled.

"I didn't know you were in this class." I told her.

"I switched my schedule a little while ago. They had me in first period Lacrosse. Yeah, I'm not an athlete. Haha. So I had to make some alterations. Hi, I'm Alice Cullen by the way" she extended her hand. I shook it.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan. "

"You look adorable!" she said. One of the things I noticed about Alice was that she knew how to dress. She had nice clothes and shoes and was defiantly a pretty girl.

"Thank You, You as well!" I smiled at her. She smiled back.

"So do you know of anything fun to do around here?" she asked.

"Well, there's nothing much, other than dinner at the only sit down restaurant in town. And the parties on the weekends." I replied.

"Oh, I do love a good party. Who's having it this weekend?"

"Tonight it's at Eric's house. You should go. He lives in the Domain. It's the richer part of town. His house is the only three story one there.''

"Oh, wow, three stories! And I thought my house was big" she exclaimed.

"Well where did ya'll move to." I asked

"Well we bought a house near the woods. It's deep in there. But its only two stories not three. It's still pretty big though." She said.

"Nice" I responded. I knew exactly where that house was. Me and the gang used to go over there at night and party. It was this huge opening in the trees. And behind the house there's a pond with some rope swings. The house was big. And gorgeous I might add. Alice interrupted my train of thought.

"I have a feeling you and I are going to be great friends." She said.

I stared at her for a while. I smiled. The class bell rang and students began to file in. Mr. Fillies started his lecture on Roman sculptures. I dosed off like always. I was thinking of Alice. She was really pretty. But I was thinking of how much she resembled Edward. They had the same color of eyes and the same color of skin. They were both pale with bright honey eyes. I thought that was weird since they were all supposedly adopted. And they were all the same age. But I dismissed it thinking that since there was no sun in Alaska that's why they had pale skin and they wore contacts to seem more like siblings. Kind of a dumb solution but I made myself believe it. Once I was done I got up and left the class. I went to my locker and grabbed my next book. I had Math then English IV. My friends thought I was crazy for taking two English classes but my Lit class gave me college credit.

The next two classes went by swiftly. I got hit on in my math class by James Black. I didn't retort him. I actually flirted back. He was very handsome, was in a band and dressed like a Rock and Republic model. He said he would defiantly look for me at Eric's party and I was excited. I would have a sure person to hang out with tonight.

During lunch everyone was talking about the party at Eric house. That is until Eric whispered in my ear.

"Bella that Edward dude is starring at you again." He told me.

I quickly turned and made a face at him. Why did he keep on staring at me? I turned back around and showed my annoyance.

"Hey Bells, you shouldn't complain when guys check you out. I mean you obviously want them to. That why you wore that outfit today." Jess said. Everyone agreed.

"Of course I like when guys hit on me, to a certain point. But he isn't hitting on me, he is staring at me. And if you must know, I like what I'm wearing. I like feeling sexy and I feel sexy at the moment."I replied.

"Yeah well I think he thinks you look sexy too!" mike responded and All the guys' high-fived each other.

I decided that I would do something about this. I had my moments of confidence, and today I was feeling super confident. So I turned to my friends

"Watch this!" I told them. I quickly applied lip gloss and adjusted my breasts to show ultimate cleavage. I stood up and walked towards the Cullen's table. I made sure I walked sexy swaying my hips and making my breasts bounce. Once I reached the table I smiled sweetly yet seductively.

"Hi, tonight Eric is throwing a party. I just came by to invite ya'll over. Alice knows the address." I smiled again and looked straight into Edwards's eyes. The blonde girl who I assumed was Rosalie responded.

"We had already made plans to attend. Thank You for inviting us though." She smiled.

"Yeah we definitely not miss this!'' Emmett said.

"Cool, so I'll see you tonight". I smiled again at Edward.

I turned and walked away, making sure I walked sexy. Once I reached the table everyone was shocked that I had done that.

"Whoa, that was hot" Mike said, again earning another stern look from Jessica.

"They said they were already going." I said.

"Hey Jess, did he look at me as I walked away?" I asked jess.

"Yes. He couldn't keep his eyes off of you'' she said.

I smiled. I started formulating a plan. Tonight I would try to get Edward to like me. If not I'd try to make out with James. Either way, tonight at Eric's party I would be with someone.

In biology class I made sure I looked sexy the entire time. I waited for Edward to come in but he never did. I started to feel disappointed. Then I remember that Alice said that she fixed her schedule. Had Edward fixed his too. I started biting my lip when all of a sudden Edward walks in. He went up to the teacher to speak to him, no doubt about being late to class. I mentally slapped myself for freaking out. But I put on my sexiness and smiled as he sat down next to me.

"So at what time are you going to the party?" I asked.

"I might not go, my siblings will though." He replied.

Shit I thought. "Oh why aren't you going? I am so not missing this party at all."

"Parties aren't really my thing." He said with a small smile.

"Oh, well I hope you change your mind" I encouraged him to go. The rest of the class period was spent classifying onion root tip cells. Edward and I finished the fastest and we won the golden onion. He gave it to me to take home. I laughed when I insisted he take it but he refused and said I deserved it.

"See you tonight!" I said.

"Maybe" he smiled as he walked away.

I drove home immediately not stopping by to talk to my friends. I had to get home and figure out what I was wearing tonight to the party. I had to look drop dead gorgeous.

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><p>Please Read and Review. Thanks ~ Sonny 3<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

_Stephanie Meyer Owns everything. I only own my dirty mind ;p_

_please read and review_

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><p><em>I drove home immediately not stopping by to talk to my friends. I had to get home and figure out what I was wearing tonight to the party. I had to look drop dead gorgeous.<em>

As I ran upstairs my mind was going crazy with the possibilities of what was going to happen tonight.

I wanted everything to be perfect. I needed to find someone who wanted me. I needed to find a guy tonight. If I couldn't have Edward then I would have a go with James. I just wanted to start having experiences. I am tired of never having a guy while everyone around me was having fun with their love connections. For once I wanted to be that girl. And tonight if everything went well, I was going to be that girl.

I went through everything in my closet yet I couldn't figure out what to wear. I decided that I should shower then look for an outfit while my hair dries. As I showered I made sure I shaved every inch of my body. I wanted to be super smooth incase I got in a situation where I would be close to someone tonight. I got out of the shower and puts lots of lotion all over my body. Since my legs where so smooth I decided that I would wear some short black dressy shorts to show them off. I laid those neatly on the end of the bed. I wrapped my hair in a towel and continued to look for a nice blouse.

I found a dark red silk blouse. It was low cut and had a ruffled edge all around the cleavage area. I laid that shirt above the shorts then went back to find my shoes to wear. I found my black glitter heels which I loved. They had red soles, and were covered in black glitter. They had straps in the front that were connected by a ribbon. They were adorable; I quickly grabbed them and laid them on the bed next to my outfit.

I walked over to my dresser and I opened my jewelry box. I pulled out a black stoned necklace with the matching earrings and bracelet and I laid them on the bed. I grabbed a black wristlet and put my Id cash and lip gloss in it. I unwrapped my hair and finished drying it and started to curl it.

Once I was finished getting ready I gave myself a once over in the mirror. Wow I looked good. I walked down stairs and my dad was there.

"Why are you here early?" I asked

"It was slow tonight so I left Jordan in charge of the station. The game is on so I came home to watch it live instead of a rerun."

"Oh, well I'll be back later" I said

"Okay just be careful, you know the rules" he said

"Yes I know! No drinking and driving!" I said

"If you are drunk and need a ride don't be afraid to call me. I'd rather get the call that you're drunk and not a call that you're dead from drink and driving!"

"I know dad. I promise ill call in need be! I'll be back later" I smiled then left for the door.

I got in my car and called Angela. "Hey Angela, do you need a ride for the party tonight?" I asked her

"Actually I do, my parents just told me I can't take the car, and I'd really appreciate it if you could come for me." She asked

."I'd love to! I'm on my way" I was happy that I didn't have to go alone to the party. I knew that jess would probably be there the entire night with mike so I called Angela because I knew that she would be available. And to be honest she would be better to hang out with than Jessica. Jess can be annoying.

I pulled into Ang's drive way and she was waiting outside already. She got into my car and we left for the party.

"Thanks for the ride. OMG you look adorable!" she said

"No problem and Thank you. You look super cute" Angela was wearing a short tight pink floral dress with a black leather jacket with the sleeves pushed up and some black booties. "So are you ready for the party" I asked her.

"Definitely, I hope I meet a guy tonight, I want to have fun." She replied excitedly.

"Omg I know me too!" I exclaimed "between you and me, I have two guys tonight."

"What" she said shocked.

"Not like that" I laughed "two as in if one doesn't come ill get the other"

''oh" she laughed.

We got the Eric's house and we walked in the front door. His house was full of people and the music was so loud. I noticed Damian, Julie, Jim, and Chris where standing around the beer. They were from Seattle. I guess everyone had heard of this party. I turned around and noticed that Angela had already left my side. I didn't care; I was here for one purpose and one purpose alone. I went to grab a cup of beer. Then once I left the keg I noticed that Jessica and Mike where manning the bar. I went over to them.

''hey guys" I said

"Hey Bells here take the shot challenge, I dare you" Mike said jess nodded in agreement. I looked down at the shots ready for me. There were five shot in a row

"What are these of" I almost yelled, the party was really loud.

"Tequila, Vodka, Bacardi, Jack Daniels and Whiskey." He replied

By this point people where starting to gather around me waiting for me to take them. I decided that I was going to have to take them. I quickly downed them one by one. They burned on the way down. Everyone cheered as a walked away and went to the restroom. I splashed water in my mouth, and then walked back to the party.

As I exited the restroom I spotted Alice. I went over to her.

"Hey I'm glad you came" I said

"I wouldn't miss this; Jasper went to get us drinks. Rosalie and Emmett are in the car, they'll be come inside in a while." She said

"Did Edward Come?" I asked hopeful.

"No, he said he wasn't into this whole scene" she said

"Oh, that's cool. Maybe next time." I said disappointedly

I walked away trying not to show my disappointment. I was really hoping he would come. As I walked to the back yard someone wrapped their arm around my waist.

"Oh James, it's you" I said.

"Yeah it's me, your cup is looking empty let me go get you some more. Stay here okay." He said

"Okay" I replied. I was starting to feel hazy. The shots where hitting me and the cup of beer I had downed wasn't helping me either. James returned with the new cup of beer. He put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to a group of people.

They were talking about school and sports. I was in and out of the convo. I was having a hard time balancing. We were standing there for about an hour; James refilled my cup a couple of times.

"Mr. Carreon is a great teacher but I hate his class." Someone said and many people protested

"Shit he is a hottie Mc Hottie" I said drunkenly. Everyone turned and stared at me. They knew I had pasted the point of sobriety. James grabbed my hand and pulled my away.

"Where are we going" I asked

"Somewhere more private" he said. The next thing I know I was in his truck. We were in the back seat and we were making out. He was kissing me so intensively. He was getting really turned on. I was starting to get scared.

"I think I should go home" I said

"You can't drive. You're too drunk. You have to wait until you sober up a bit" he said. He knew exactly what he was doing.

In that moment I remembered my mission. I remembered the reason why I came to this party in the first place.

I started to kiss him back fiercely. He was getting more and more turned on by the second, and so was I.

He took my top off and I removed his shirt. He kissed me neck and dragged his teeth against the skin. I trembled from head to toe. He unhooked my bra and started to massage my breasts.

He stopped kissing me and moved his mouth to my breasts. He bit and sucked my nipples.

"Do you want to?" he asked me.

I hesitated for a moment. I thought about was I was doing and what I was about to do. Should I do it? Or should I wait.

"Yes." I said.

"How far have you gone before?" he asked mid kiss.

"I've never done anything before" I slurred

"You're a virgin" he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice and he said it.

"Yes" I replied. "Is that okay" I asked

"It is totally cool, I love being first" he said. This made me uneasy and I was suddenly questioning my decision but I let him continue.

He unbuttoned my shorts and removed them along with my thong. The only thing he left on was my shoes. He quickly removes the rest of his clothes. We both layed there making out naked until he asked me if I was ready. I nodded my head. Me lifted my legs and put them over his shoulders. I could feel his penis on my vagina. He slowly pushed it in. I could feel the pain of my hymen breaking. He went all the way in then slowly pulled out. Tears run down my eyes. Little by little he started going faster.

He was thrusting in and out of me. I looked into his eyes and he stared into mine.

"Are you okay" he asked me moaning while he said it.

"It doesn't hurt that much anymore" I said. It was actually starting to feel good.

I started moaning and we started kissing passionately. We began meeting each other's thrusts.

"I think I'm coming" he said.

"Me too" I replied. We both thrusted for a little while longer until we both came at the same time. It was an intense experience. He laid on top of me for a long time afterward, staying in me the entire time. He was smiling while I was crying. I couldn't believe what had happened.

We finally got out of the truck. I walked back inside to the closet to get my wristlet where I had left it earlier. There were still a lot of people at the party. They all stared at me like if they knew what had just happened. I was walking slowly and unbalanced. Partly because of the alcohol effects and the other part because of the fact that I was sore. Once I reached the closet I took out my bag and left to my car. I passed a mirror on the exit and I looked horrible. I had mascara stains down my cheeks and my hair was a mess. My shirt was stained from where James had used it to clean off.

As I drove home I cried more. I felt horrible and guilty. I couldn't believe that I had actually thought that I wanted this. I thought I was ready to lose my virginity and that by losing it with James it would make us fall in love with each other.

That wasn't the case. I knew we wouldn't fall in love with each other after this. I was ashamed with how far I had let things go. I was ashamed of the fact that I was driving home drunk. But I was even more ashamed of the fact that I had actually planned this. A plan that I thought was perfect. Little did I know that it was one of my worst plans in the world.

All of a sudden something jump in front of my truck. I braked. Something was standing in the road in front my truck. Looking at me. That's when I noticed it wasn't something, it was someone.

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><p>So what do you guys think of this Chapter!<p>

If you all have any notes or revisions for me let me know.

Please read and review!

XOXOXO


	4. Chapter 4

Own only own my own mind! Everything else is Mrs. Meyer's.

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><p><em>All of a sudden something jumps in front of my truck. I braked. Something was standing in the road in front my truck. Looking at me. That's when I noticed it wasn't something, it was someone.<em>

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><p>He stared at me. In the blink of an eye it was next to my door, looking straight into my eyes through the window. It took a while for my brain to register who it was. As I was trying to collect my thoughts I started to realize why I wasn't screaming or driving away. It was because I wasn't afraid of this person, I knew who he was.<p>

It was Edward Cullen. I unlocked the door and he slipped inside. I jumped over the seat to move to the passenger seat as he took control of my truck. He started driving. I didn't pay attention to where he was taking me; I just sat there staring at him with tears still streaming down my eyes. We drove for a while until he got to his destination; he quickly turned off the truck and turned to sit towards me. He sat there in silence as he let me cry. After awhile I looked up out the window and noticed he drove us into the forest. We were in a meadow of some sort.

I turned to look at Edward "Where are we?"

"In a meadow in the forest." He replied. His voice full of concern. "I know." He said.

"Know what" I said with tears in my eyes

"What happened, with James" he said.

"What, how" I questioned.

He leaned into me and embraced me into a tight hug. I felt weird yet calm at the same time.

I noticed the clock on the dashboard and it was 4:30 in the morning.

"Edward, I really have to go home."

"Okay, ill drive you."

He drove me home me home in complete silence. He let me cry my eyes out.

I couldn't understand what had happened or why it had. I started to remember that the more bizarre part of the night was when Edward appeared in front of my truck. How did he get to my door so fast?

As I was about to ask my question, he turned the truck off. We had arrived at my house.

"Thank you for bringing me home. But how did you know what had happened?" I asked

"I don't think this is the proper time to explain." He said "can I come tomorrow and talk to you?"

"Yes" I replied, and then I exited the truck and entered my house. I turned around to say goodnight but he was gone. He had completely vanished from sight. Was it all a dream, a terrible nightmare? As I turned to go inside I caught a glimpse of myself in the hall way mirror. I knew one thing; the fact that I had had sex tonight was real. I could still feel it and I could defiantly see the effects it had left on my body.

I ran upstairs and showered in hot water. I stayed in there until the hot water stopped coming out. I got into my pajamas and went to bed. I drifted off into a heavy deep sleep.

I awoke the next afternoon. It was Saturday and Charlie was gone, fishing as usual. As I was pouring cereal into a bowl the door bell rang.

"Good morning" Edward said to me.

Good morning I replied. We walked into the kitchen and he sat at the table while he watched me pour my cereal. I sat at the table and started eating. I waited for him to start. I had questions but I wanted him to start explaining first since I didn't really know if what I thought had happened, had really happened.

"We need to talk" he said.

"Okay" I said

Little did I know that I was about to get the biggest most shocking conversation in my life.

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><p>Sorry for a small chapter.<p>

please read and review.

Thanks :)

I will put a new long chapter by friday :)


	5. Chapter 5

**I own nothing... only my dirty mind ;p**

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><p>It had been a month since Eric's train wreck of a party and since I found out about Edward.<p>

After Edward saved me from the horrid actions of that night, he told me about him and his family. He told me about how they were a coven of vampires. At first I didn't believe him, I mean how can there be vampires without fangs right? But he made me realize that he was actually saying the truth. Once I got over the shock of everything, I realized that he was everything that I ever wanted in a guy, minus the vampire thing of course.

Edward and I got very close. He sat with us every day during lunch, he went to my house and I went to his. I guess you could say we were dating.

The only awkward thing was the fact that during James also sat with us. Edward despised James, but he held his control very well around him. I had told Edward everything that had happened the night of the party and besides thinking that I had a bad sense of judgment, he still hated James for what went down.

Edward and I's relationship had progressed very well. We were both actually getting feeling for each other.

Today was Saturday, my dad had left fishing and he wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning. I invited Edward to come over. He usually came over a lot but just came in through the window, just one of those cool Vampire things. But tonight would be different because my dad would be gone.

I wanted to go all the way with Edward. And I was hoping that tonight would be the night.

I got ready and I made sure that I looked amazing. I was really hoping that Edward wanted it as much as I was.

Once I was ready I lit a few candles in my room and as I turned on the last one I heard my window close and Edward was standing right behind me with his arms wrapped around me. He has super speed so I barely heard him as he came in. I was wearing a short and sexy night gown and he had his fingers through it.

He twisted me around and started in my eyes. I loved his eyes, they were honey colored. But they switched to black as he got hungrier.

"You are beautiful my love" he said

"You are gorgeous yourself" I replied

I really was falling in love with him. Falling hard and falling fast. My only hope was that he was feeling the same way about me. And my instincts told me he was.

He laid me on the bed and laid behind me wrapping his arms around me as he did.

"You smell completely intoxicating" he said

I smiled and turned myself around as to be facing him. I kissed him and ended the kiss with a smile.

"And you are amazing" I told him.

He kissed me back. This kiss was rougher and lasted longer. I could feel his tongue exploring every inch of my mouth.

I could feel lust filling the room and I knew that this was my chance. I pushed him down against the bed and laid on top of him, never breaking the kiss. His hands explored my entire body lingering on my breasts. He didn't grab them and this annoyed me. My breasts where there and they wanted to be grabbed but he didn't do it. So I released my hands from his hair and grabbed his hands and instructed them what to do to my breasts. After a while I slowly removed my sleeping gown and revealed my white lace matching bra and panties set. His eyes changed from honey to black. In the blink of an eye he was off of him and he was in a corner opposite of me. He stared at me, looking at my frightened face.

"What's wrong" I asked "am I that hideous that you have to run from me" his actions had really insulted me.

"No, of course not. It's just that I can't control myself completely when I'm around you." He said to me, keeping his distance. "Bella, your scent is like a drug to me, mix that your intoxicating teasing and I almost lost control for a second." He said anxiety filled his voice and face.

"I'm sorry I teased" I said. "But I thought you wanted it as much as I did" I urged

"I do, believe me I do, but it isn't that easy Bella" he said "It's very hard for me to even be around you. When you turn me on my ability to control in slightly lessened."

I internally smiled for the fact that I had successfully turned him on. I laid on the bed with my back to him and after a couple of minutes I felt his cold body against my back. I hadn't put on my night gown so I was laying there in the underwear.

We laid there cuddling each other. I made sure I didn't do anything to make him uncomfortable. I realized if I wanted to go all the way with Edward it would have to be slowly. Since I was his drug I had to make sure I eased him into it. I couldn't just jump on him like I had basically done tonight. I had to go slow. Let him get used to me.

As I plotted my plan of attack in my head I drifted off to sleep with Edwards arms wrapped tightly around me. That was the most comfortable place in the world. Comfortable yet cold. I pulled the blankets over us and feel into a deep sleep.

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><p><strong>please R&amp;R give me your opinions <strong>

**also if you have any ideas feel free to leave them**

**do you think bella is only interested in sex?**

**do you think that they'll have sex?**

**give me you thoughts! **

**thanks**

**peace and love 3**


	6. Chapter 6

**I own nothing, only my story. i hope you love this new chapter.**

** I feel like the story is getting better and I know **

**where I want to take it now. I hope yall love it as much as I do.**

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><p>Edward and I are going strong. His ability to stand more and more of my teasing was getting better. However, he never really tried anything towards me. It was I who had to initiate the make out sessions, I who had to start removing the clothes, and once I got to my bra and undies, he would just run to the other side of the room, leaving me to apologize for being too intimate too fast.<p>

A part of me wondered why he never really tried anything with me. I wanted to know why he, being a guy, wasn't jumping at the chance to be with a girl who was so willing to be with him. He should be filled with lust for me, but he acts like he doesn't want it. I'm going to confront him and ask him why they he won't be with me. I would ask him that, I would ask him straight out, I would find out why. I finished my thinking and got up and left my room. I went down stairs and started making dinner for my father. He was getting out of work soon and I wanted to have a good meal ready for him.

I decided to cook lasagna with garlic bread, he was happy that I thought of cooking for him once he got home. He said it was s stressful day and he really needed a good home cooked meal to lift up his energy. Once we were done, he left into the living room and started to watch the game. I never understood my father's obsession with sports, it was either he was watching sports at home or listening to sports at work or on the boat when he went fishing. Don't even get him started on his favorite team; he would never shut up about them.

After dinner, I washed dishes then went to upstairs. After I started dating Edward I threw away Mr. Rabbit thinking that I would be getting all of the satisfaction I needed from Edward, but that wasn't the case. I regretted that decision on night like this. It had been three month since my drunken sex act with James and three months since Edward and I started dating. I totally and completely wanted it and he wouldn't give it to me. A part of me knows that if I picked up the phone, James would be outside my door in minutes to satisfy my urges, but the logical part of me said that I loved Edward and there was a reason why he didn't want to be intimate with me yet. I grabbed my cell phone off the bed and I texted Edward.

"We need to talk" not even ten seconds later my phone bussed with a response.

"Okay. When?"

"Now, I'll be at the meadow in fifteen, meet me there" I responded. Three seconds later he responded.

"Okay."

I quickly changed into some jeans and a hoodie and I went down stairs. My dad immediately blocked my exit.

"Where are you going bells?" he asked

"I'm going to get some notes from Alice" I said. He loved Alice, anytime I said I was going with her somewhere he automatically let me go.

"Okay, call me if need be"

"I know, bye" and with that I left and jumped into my truck.

I drove to the meadow which had become our spot since that night. The night he jumped out in front of me while leaving James party. Ever since them we would come here and sit and talk and laugh. But now I wanted to have a different conversation with him. I wanted to see why he didn't want me.

As I arrive at the meadow, he was already there. No surprise. He drives like the speed of light. I get out and run to him, his arms waiting for me. We embrace each other for what seems forever, giving the illusion that I am completely in love with him, but the truth is, even though I do love him, I'm just trying to build up enough courage to start this conversation.

I let him go then he does the same, I look into his eyes and I start to speak, slowly the words come out.

"Why don't you want to sleep with me?" I asked him.

"Haven't we been over this?"

"Yes, but I want to know the real answer!" I said firmly.

'Bella, it's not that I don't, it's just that I don't want to right now."

"Why not? Don't you see me attractive in that way? Normal couples sleep with each other Edward; I don't understand why we don't!"

"Listen to you!" he yelled. "You have this sick view on love, you think that just because people are in a relationship they need to have sex to make it official or stronger. You have a warped sense of reality when it comes to love. You need to realize that love isn't just about having sex!"

I stared at him, tears flooded out of my eyes but that didn't stop him. "you need to stop being a horny person, everyone has urges, even me, believe me I do, I've never wanted anyone else so badly, but once you start acting on those feelings, you lose that first moment you share together that can be special. If we do it now, we would be doing it to satisfy the urges we have, not because we are in love. You need to understand that sometimes, in relationship, no matter how much you want it, sex isn't always a good thing to start having." By this time he was talking not shouting. I look at him with tears still flooding down and I turned away. He grabbed my shoulder.

"Let me go..." I said.

"No, I know that sounds horrible, but you need to hear it." He said, as if it made it okay to say, to make me cry.

"I can't believe you said that. You make me feel like a horrible person. I can't help it if I love you so much that I want to show you just how much I love you.

"That's just the thing though; you don't want to do it to show me how much I love you. You want to do it to satisfy the yearning in your body to have someone that close to you again. And I'm not ready for that and our relationship isn't either. Look Bella, I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of forever, but we need to take this at a normal slow pace, please, stop trying to throw yourself at me. One, it's hard not biting you sometimes, and two, I just don't want to ruin what we have." I looked at him and hugged him. Even though I hated what he was saying I knew that he was right. I need to wait before anything happened. And I did have a warped sense of love. I grew up thinking that sex was everything that was based around a relationship, well I was very wrong.

"I'm sorry" I whispered "I am stupid and childish, and I understand what you are saying. I just wish that I could take it all back. Maybe if I hadn't done that crap with James I could still be better for you"

"Don't say you're not better for me. You are amazing and you are perfect and you are everything I could have ever dreamed of" he said matter of factley. "And don't regret what happened with James, It was a mistake and you learned from it, we all make mistakes. Yes he did take advantage of the situation by knowing that you were drunk and were in a vulnerable position, but in his defense, if you threw yourself at him like you do at me sometimes, I understand why he didn't reject you"

"I'm sorry" was all I said "I'm sorry" was all he said. We just hugged there, for about an hour we were in the middle of this gorgeous meadow lying down in each other's arms and this really filled a void in my life. It made something that I didn't even know I had missing before feel filled.

We walked back to our vehicles and kissed each other. It was a long love filled kiss. Once I left I drove around for a while, then went home. As I walked up the stairs I was thinking to myself; why was I so sexual? Why did I always want it? Even now with the talk with Edward, I don't want to want it until he does, but how do I stop the urge. Then I realized that I didn't feel an urge.

This was unusual because I always had it in the back of my head. Could it be that Edward scared the sex drive out of me? I don't know, but feeling how I was feeling felt good. I felt in Love, not Lust, and maybe this is what I needed.

The next morning I met Edward at school where we more lovable to each other than we ever had been before. I knew that I was where I needed to be, I had the perfect arms around me. I had the perfect moment. I was living in bliss. Nothing could ever change this moment that is until I remembered something that I had been forgetting. Something that had been missing in my life for a while now… something that was going to change the perfect bliss I felt. Something that would change me and Edward forever.

I quickly let go of his hand and ran towards my truck. Even though I left first he still reached my car before I did.

"Where are you going?" he asked me puzzled.

My face was full of fright; I couldn't even speak the words. I was too afraid to say it out loud. So I just drove until I got to where I wanted to get to. Once there, he eyed me questioningly. Then shock hit his face when the realization of what was going on hit him.

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><p><strong>read and review please!<strong>  
><strong>What do you think about Bella being a sex whore? and what about Edward being the gentleman?<strong>  
><strong>What do you think is happening with Bella? Where have they gone and what are they getting?<br>See you soon with another update! **


	7. Chapter 7

I parked in the lot of a pharmacy. Edwards's eyes were frozen on mine. He began to speak frantically, spitting while he spoke.

"What are we doing here?" a part of me knew he knew but just didn't want to accept it.

"I'm late." I said. "I haven't gotten my period on the last three months" as I said it out loud, it made me freak out. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me.

"How could you not have told me that you weren't getting your period? "He asked anxiously.

"I didn't even remember not getting it. Until this morning a little while ago it popped into my head." I said. It was true. These past three months with Edward had been great, so great that things like late periods never even crossed my mind. Periods in general never crossed my mind.

"What does this mean?" he asked again.

"You know what it might mean." I annunciated the might part because it might not even be happening. It could be another reason why I haven't gotten my period.

"So you're saying you might be pregnant with James's baby?

"Can we just go get a test before we start an argument?" he gets out of the car and before I can even put my hand on the handle my door is opened and he is pulling me out of the truck and walking towards the pharmacy.

We enter the store and I suddenly feel so embarrassed. The store is filled with people that I know and who know my father. What if they tell them what I'm buying? I decide to get a basket and fill it with a couple of chips some tampons and pads so people won't think I'm getting a pregnancy test. Edward is eyeing me asking me why I'm getting what time getting. Then I gave him a look that said because of who was in the store. He gave me another look as if he understood what I was saying. Then as we went to the pregnancy tests I randomly grabbed one of the boxes that had three tests in there and I put it under the chips in the basket then went to go pay.

As the cashier charged my items, Edward started to talk to her and get her preoccupied from even paying attention to what she was charging. She just read out my total while Edward flirted things up with her. This annoyed me yet made me feel so much better that she wasn't paying attention to the pregnancy tests. She said my total was fifty dollars, as I looked on the screen I noticed that the pregnancy tests were thirty dollars, what freaking pregnancy tests are thirty dollars. As a shocked noise escaped my mouth Edward swiftly pulled out his wallet, all the while keeping eye contact with the cashier and swiped him card. Then she gave him the receipt and I grabbed the bags and we left.

"What was that about?" I asked him annoyingly.

"I was trying to make sure she wasn't paying attention to what you were buying, honestly Bella you looked like a deer in headlights in there. I read her mind and she was thinking about me, she wasn't even paying attention to anything else. I thought you might like that no one noticed what we bought." He replied.

"I do thanks I guess. Just don't do that again. I hated seeing that. It hurt me." I said

"I understand." This time he drove my tuck to his house. He had texted jasper to drive his car back so he didn't have to worry about going and getting it from the school parking lot. About five minutes after arriving to his house I got enough courage to actually open the box.

He went into the bathroom with me and looked away while I peed on the first stick. Apparently these pregnancy tests were the best money could buy, or so it said so on the box. They better be freaking accurate.

I tell him he could turn around and he does. I place the little stick on the counter and wait for it to start turning pink. After about a minutes, the first pink line pops up, then the second one.

I was pregnant, according to this test that is. So I quickly grab the other two sticks and without even warning Edward I sit down and pee again. He is still starting at the first test blankly, as if in shock. I stand and put the next two on the counter next to the first. After a couple of minutes they both reveal a positive pregnancy. Edward held me tightly as I clutched onto him and cried. After about twenty minutes of crying Alice storms in without even knocking.

"I saw it Edward. I know. But you need to take her to Carlisle and fast" she said.

Edward nodded his head once. Then picked me up and drove me to the hospital where his father worked. Slice went with us. When we arrived we went straight into his office. Dr. Cullen was in there with a patient. Thankfully they were done and he was just saying good bye, but he was surprised to see us there. He told us to sit down.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Bella is…" Edward managed to say, but couldn't finish.

"Carlisle, Bella took three home pregnancy tests and they all registered positive." Alice said. So sure of herself.

"oh." Carlisle said. "I didn't know you two were having relations" he told Edward

"We aren't" Edward answered.

"Oh" Carlisle's voice was deeper this time. "Well Bella if you can please step over here with me. Put on that gown on the bed the lie down and I will be in a moment."

I did as he said. I could see Edward and Alice's silhouettes as I changed behind the curtain in Carlisle office which hid the little checking room. I opened the curtain and cleared my through. I then layer down on the bed and waited for Carlisle to come in.

"First thing is first. I am going to draw some blood for a pregnancy test. This will tell us if you really are pregnant." I nodded and let him extract the vile of red blood from me. Edward and Alice were watching yet staying distant. I guess it was the blood that made them hesitant. Then Carlisle called a nurse in who took the blood. Then he started to get a sonogram machine ready just in case I was pregnant.

"How long ago were your last period and your last sexual experience?"

"Both were three months ago" I replied.

"Okay, since the time is still early and its going to be your first sonogram we have to do an internal sonogram." He said

"What is that" I asked.

"I am going to take this" he said as he lifted a silver looking pole. "And insert it into your uterus."

"Okay" I said, even though I was not okay with my boyfriends' dad seeing my vagina. This could not get any more awkward.

"Edward, can you hold my hand." I asked him. He quickly came to my side and held to my hand as tightly as he could.

The nurse returned with the results from the blood test. Carlisle flipped through the clip board then turn and whispered something to nurse who looked at me then at him and nodded. Then she left.

"Okay are you ready?" he asked

I nodded. The pole was cold as in entered me. I let out a small gasp and it went further and further in until something popped up on the monitor. Then I waited for Carlisle to explain what we were seeing.

"Okay as you see here, this is the small child. So you are pregnant. But the blood test revealed a mixed answer. What this means is that you might not be pregnant anymore. As you can see from the screen, your uterus is very small. You have not reached your full level of growth yet which is normal. Bella, what this means is that you are currently have a miscarriage."

My face went white. I didn't know if this was good or bad. If I should be relieved or sad. Edward was just as confused. His face was whiter than normal, and Alice stood far away as if she knew this is what was happening. She turned and looked at Edward who then eased up very much. She must have told him something. Carlisle spoke again.

"We can let it finish naturally, or I can help it by using the same instrument as they would in an abortion." He said

"No, no abortion. Natural will be okay." Is all I said?

"Great" he said. "The only time we use those are when the mothers cannot have a natural miscarriage then we have to go in and help them, other than that we never use them. Abortion is a horrible thing. Threes no need to help you. You are young and should be able to do it within the next couple of hours." He said. Then he got up and left. Alice followed.

"I'm sorry" Edward said. "How do you feel?"

"I'm not exactly sure" I said. "I'm sad that its dead, but I'm relieved that I'm not pregnant. How was I going to raise a child, her father would've have been James, but I'm in love with you, would I have had to get back with James. Would I have told him? Would you and I still be together? A part of me is happy that I don't have to worry about those things but the other part is still sad. And freaked out. This morning I was a normal girl and now I am having a miscarriage in my boyfriend's dad's office. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you my Bella. And to answer your worries, I would have raised that child with you. I would have never left your side and I would've said that child was mine." he said "I love you and I feel stronger about that now than ever before."

"I love you too" I said, as tears streamed down my face. "But what did Alice tell you."

He looked at me then nodded as if he understood that I understood their private conversation. "She said that she saw this and this is why she told me to bring you. And she also saw that you and I would continue in a loving relationship and would leave this behind us." He said. I could tell he was leaving something out but I didn't want to push it further, so I accepted his answer. He and I stayed there for the next couple of hours until Carlisle came in and told me that I had finished and he cleaned me up then told me I could leave. He gave me some medication and then we were on our way home. Edward lay in bed with me all night. He never left his embrace.

I still don't understand how crazy my life had gotten. But I believed in Alice's vision in that this would stay behind. And I believed that Edward and I would stay in love, at least I hoped we did.


End file.
